What a crazy weekend. My daughter had events for 3 hours Friday night and from 7 a.m. - 5 p.m. Saturday (Science Olympiad) - with me there for everything. Church and then helping my mom - happened on Sunday. Is this what it is like for all you parents with multiple kids in sports. Ugh. I bring my laptop to many places I go to get a little more work done. I find it a pleasure and an escape to use the laptop to work on internet marketing for someone elses' site, escaping into the land of industrial scales (need a scale to weigh trucks? go to www.loadmasterscale.com Ha!) or the land of clocks and wine cabinets (www.brunings.com) :)
It is a thrill to see a site get more and more traffic and to see a client get more and more sales or sales leads - knowing that I had a part in it. My director at Cazbah laughs at me for working on the weekends, "You need a life." He is correct in his observation that my life is simple - my daughter, work, dinner, sleep... That's about it. What is behind me is over 10 years of chaos and drama and more chaos. Getting a new job and learning all this new stuff at Cazbah has been tough. I often reference it to learning a difficult language like Chinese - everyone around me is speaking it and I am lost and feeling stupid - trying so hard to learn it, but the process never seems to go fast enough.
Well, in the last few weeks, I am starting to feel more confident that I am "getting" my new job. And with that has come the realization that my life is a little boring, a little uneventful, slightly routine...and it feels soooo fantastic. Do I need a life? No way cause I just got mine back. I am not giving it up for choas and drama anytime soon.
But the strange thing is, I am not a drama queen. Am I? I am low maintanance. I'm the helper so often. I ask God: why have you surrounded me with drama kings/queens or those who need so much physical and emotional help? I keep trusting Him fully that I have much to learn and the plan for my life will fall into place someday letting me see how I can help others with what I have learned.
And boy, have I learned. I've learned to be humble. I am humbled to realize that I am now that struggling single mom (that's not really what I planned for my life when I finished college and graduate school and got married.) I am humbled to realize that on my own, I have made a lot a mediocre and sometimes down right lousy decisions. (I know I've made some good ones, but that is not what I am talking about.) I am humbled by the fact that under an enormous amount of stress and desperation, I can be a real jerk. 10 years ago, none of those things were a reality for me.
I have also learned how empowering it is to do the right thing, even though it is so personally hard and involves personal hardship. Knowing I haven't caved to temptation to take the easy way out - what a boost to my internal stamina.
So now, looking at the chaos, I am grateful for what I have learned and how I have grown. I am thankful for my life of calmness and peace of mind I experience now. This is an awesome life.
