Does God bang his head on the wall while he tries to work with me everyday? I worry so much about my daughter's future and my own actions...she's 14 and very teenagerie. I analyze my words and thoughts way too much. And then... And then... I tell a friend to trust in God, and that we need to just do our part and let Him do the rest. What a loonie I am.
Today, I read how Abram (Abraham) in the Bible had so much faith in God, that when God told him to leave his family and country and move to an unknown place, he just did it. But when God spoke to Abram personally, and promised him more offspring than he could imagine, Abram doubted God and had a child with Sarah's maidservant, Hagar. Abraham's inconsistent faith made me feel so ordinary and average and normal. Thank you Abraham. And God still worked around Abraham's sinful nature - creating the greatest nation.
So I remind myself for the millionth time...God is in control. I just need to do my part, what I have control of, and trust God for the rest. Remember Remember Remember.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
From Pain to Gain
The problem started when my sister dropped off her adorable 3 1/2 month old lab/pitbull puppy. We were anxious to spend time with Rosie...then pleasure quicky turned to pain. Poop and pee in the house became the instant norm. The pup hadn't figured out how to go potty outside of her own backyard. Chasing our cat and playing/brawling with our little Shih Tzu came next. Barking, chasing, running, jumping, biting...we were a little overwhelmed and ready to quit.How quickly my simple life can turn into a complicated stressful experience. Yours too? Someone gets sick, is angry, gets hurt, or loses a job, and I am feeling the stress and worry. But over time I have seen the worst turn into the best. I have seen what orginally caused me stress and anguish bring me future joy. The burden typically comes first and then the blessing. The pain forces me to try something new or change my direction. Later, that new course, though painful to get on, becomes my accomplishment.
So we had to change our routines with Rosie. We eliminated throw rugs - instant potty depositories - and minimized time with the other animals. We brought out the crate to help Rosie calm down and rest, and we set up a place for her to run outside. We started taking more frequent walks with both dogs and used treats to reward responsible outdoor potty practices. And the stress minimized. And my daughter and I feel like we accomplished something. But more than that, I know that a blessing may come, when I don't expect it. Sometimes I try to think creatively about it... Maybe what I learned or remembered to do with Rosie will help me in the near future. Or maybe helping my sister will be more of a help to her than I imagined ... and she'll thank me with homemade chocolate chip cookies. Hint. Hint.
In the Bible, the beatitudes say:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Even Jesus spoke of the suffering coming first...then the blessing.
Hope you will creatively anticipate the joy that will come out of your current pain. :)
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Power of our Words
When I was pregnant, I didn’t know if I was having a girl or a boy. I carried my baby way way out front, and repeatedly people told me I must be having a boy. The day the baby was born, Rick and I were truly surprised to hear “It’s a girl.” Those around us – friends and strangers, by way of repeated guessing - had truly convinced us we were having a boy. That situation showed me how vulnerable we are to the power of persuasion.
We possess a great deal of power as humans to convince people of reality. We have the power to raise people’s hopes and expectations beyond where they should be. And when their hopes and expectations are not met, the person who has accepted “our truth” falls farther emotionally than they would have if we had said nothing.
How responsible are we for what we say? Should we be held responsible? When does it crossover into lying and manipulation? I hold myself responsible to be true and real. When I become part of a conversation and say things I shouldn’t, I try to approach the person later and correct my error. But often it is so easy to just leave it. Let the other person deal with it.
Should we be holding other’s accountable? Telling them when their words of authority lead me in the wrong direction – a direction that they had a hand in; a situation that they had some control over. I can tell my spouse, my family members, & my friends if they lead me down the wrong path. Can I tell my co-workers and my boss?
Do you? When your co-worker or boss manipulates you or lies to you, do you talk about it with them? In some ways, shouldn’t we be doing that in love? It's on my mind today.
We possess a great deal of power as humans to convince people of reality. We have the power to raise people’s hopes and expectations beyond where they should be. And when their hopes and expectations are not met, the person who has accepted “our truth” falls farther emotionally than they would have if we had said nothing.
How responsible are we for what we say? Should we be held responsible? When does it crossover into lying and manipulation? I hold myself responsible to be true and real. When I become part of a conversation and say things I shouldn’t, I try to approach the person later and correct my error. But often it is so easy to just leave it. Let the other person deal with it.
Should we be holding other’s accountable? Telling them when their words of authority lead me in the wrong direction – a direction that they had a hand in; a situation that they had some control over. I can tell my spouse, my family members, & my friends if they lead me down the wrong path. Can I tell my co-workers and my boss?
Do you? When your co-worker or boss manipulates you or lies to you, do you talk about it with them? In some ways, shouldn’t we be doing that in love? It's on my mind today.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Slowly Learning about Single Guys
So I started dating lately...a little. And I have learned a couple of things recently. I went out with a guy I called "The Trainguy." These are my reflections after our date:
The Trainguy date was a bomb. But I learned a little.
1. Ask them if they believe in God.
The trainguy said he was a Christian...but at the end of our date I found out he believes in a higher being but is not sure if it is God. His psychic has been helping him, though. :)
2. Plan a "Get out of Dodge" phrase ahead of time.
I didn't know what to say when i realized this was going NO WHERE. I don't like to be rude or hurt feelings. He was nice. So I need to let them know that I want them to be truthful and I will be truthful if we don't connect. "Our cars are not linking...The train has left the station...Toot toot, you get the boot."
3. Ask if they have a good relationship with their parents.
During the date he told me that he thinks his parents are the most selfish people he has ever met. Really? What a lovely thing to say. Funny how all he talked about was HIMSELF! The apple does not fall far from the tree.
Anyway, it was a nice day...a beautiful day...and I had a nice time. Not terrible. I was just a little unprepared. I'll do better next time.
Enjoy your day.
Sue
The Trainguy date was a bomb. But I learned a little.
1. Ask them if they believe in God.
The trainguy said he was a Christian...but at the end of our date I found out he believes in a higher being but is not sure if it is God. His psychic has been helping him, though. :)
2. Plan a "Get out of Dodge" phrase ahead of time.
I didn't know what to say when i realized this was going NO WHERE. I don't like to be rude or hurt feelings. He was nice. So I need to let them know that I want them to be truthful and I will be truthful if we don't connect. "Our cars are not linking...The train has left the station...Toot toot, you get the boot."
3. Ask if they have a good relationship with their parents.
During the date he told me that he thinks his parents are the most selfish people he has ever met. Really? What a lovely thing to say. Funny how all he talked about was HIMSELF! The apple does not fall far from the tree.
Anyway, it was a nice day...a beautiful day...and I had a nice time. Not terrible. I was just a little unprepared. I'll do better next time.
Enjoy your day.
Sue
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Chaos and Drama
What a crazy weekend. My daughter had events for 3 hours Friday night and from 7 a.m. - 5 p.m. Saturday (Science Olympiad) - with me there for everything. Church and then helping my mom - happened on Sunday. Is this what it is like for all you parents with multiple kids in sports. Ugh. I bring my laptop to many places I go to get a little more work done. I find it a pleasure and an escape to use the laptop to work on internet marketing for someone elses' site, escaping into the land of industrial scales (need a scale to weigh trucks? go to www.loadmasterscale.com Ha!) or the land of clocks and wine cabinets (www.brunings.com) :)
It is a thrill to see a site get more and more traffic and to see a client get more and more sales or sales leads - knowing that I had a part in it. My director at Cazbah laughs at me for working on the weekends, "You need a life." He is correct in his observation that my life is simple - my daughter, work, dinner, sleep... That's about it. What is behind me is over 10 years of chaos and drama and more chaos. Getting a new job and learning all this new stuff at Cazbah has been tough. I often reference it to learning a difficult language like Chinese - everyone around me is speaking it and I am lost and feeling stupid - trying so hard to learn it, but the process never seems to go fast enough.
Well, in the last few weeks, I am starting to feel more confident that I am "getting" my new job. And with that has come the realization that my life is a little boring, a little uneventful, slightly routine...and it feels soooo fantastic. Do I need a life? No way cause I just got mine back. I am not giving it up for choas and drama anytime soon.
But the strange thing is, I am not a drama queen. Am I? I am low maintanance. I'm the helper so often. I ask God: why have you surrounded me with drama kings/queens or those who need so much physical and emotional help? I keep trusting Him fully that I have much to learn and the plan for my life will fall into place someday letting me see how I can help others with what I have learned.
And boy, have I learned. I've learned to be humble. I am humbled to realize that I am now that struggling single mom (that's not really what I planned for my life when I finished college and graduate school and got married.) I am humbled to realize that on my own, I have made a lot a mediocre and sometimes down right lousy decisions. (I know I've made some good ones, but that is not what I am talking about.) I am humbled by the fact that under an enormous amount of stress and desperation, I can be a real jerk. 10 years ago, none of those things were a reality for me.
I have also learned how empowering it is to do the right thing, even though it is so personally hard and involves personal hardship. Knowing I haven't caved to temptation to take the easy way out - what a boost to my internal stamina.
So now, looking at the chaos, I am grateful for what I have learned and how I have grown. I am thankful for my life of calmness and peace of mind I experience now. This is an awesome life.
It is a thrill to see a site get more and more traffic and to see a client get more and more sales or sales leads - knowing that I had a part in it. My director at Cazbah laughs at me for working on the weekends, "You need a life." He is correct in his observation that my life is simple - my daughter, work, dinner, sleep... That's about it. What is behind me is over 10 years of chaos and drama and more chaos. Getting a new job and learning all this new stuff at Cazbah has been tough. I often reference it to learning a difficult language like Chinese - everyone around me is speaking it and I am lost and feeling stupid - trying so hard to learn it, but the process never seems to go fast enough.
Well, in the last few weeks, I am starting to feel more confident that I am "getting" my new job. And with that has come the realization that my life is a little boring, a little uneventful, slightly routine...and it feels soooo fantastic. Do I need a life? No way cause I just got mine back. I am not giving it up for choas and drama anytime soon.
But the strange thing is, I am not a drama queen. Am I? I am low maintanance. I'm the helper so often. I ask God: why have you surrounded me with drama kings/queens or those who need so much physical and emotional help? I keep trusting Him fully that I have much to learn and the plan for my life will fall into place someday letting me see how I can help others with what I have learned.
And boy, have I learned. I've learned to be humble. I am humbled to realize that I am now that struggling single mom (that's not really what I planned for my life when I finished college and graduate school and got married.) I am humbled to realize that on my own, I have made a lot a mediocre and sometimes down right lousy decisions. (I know I've made some good ones, but that is not what I am talking about.) I am humbled by the fact that under an enormous amount of stress and desperation, I can be a real jerk. 10 years ago, none of those things were a reality for me.
I have also learned how empowering it is to do the right thing, even though it is so personally hard and involves personal hardship. Knowing I haven't caved to temptation to take the easy way out - what a boost to my internal stamina.
So now, looking at the chaos, I am grateful for what I have learned and how I have grown. I am thankful for my life of calmness and peace of mind I experience now. This is an awesome life.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Thinking back and then forward again.
Saturday, I listened to my friend Karen Ramos talk about her goal of buying a house...saving money, looking for the right one. Over the years, I know she has hit many of her goals - taking tennis lessons, buying a nice car, buying every Richard Gere movie (that's the guy with the gray hair now who was in Pretty Woman, right? Is it spelled Gere or Geer? Whatever.)
So I think, what are my goals? My dreams? Then a little voice says, "Who has time for goals?" - When I get out of work and run into Walmart to grab a pound of hamburger for tonight's dinner of "la Hamburger Helper" and a T-shirt on sale hoping I can get away with wearing a $14.00 (excuse me, $13.95 at Walmart) top to work, am I suppose to have a goal? A dream? You mean my dream is suppose to be more than having the laundry caught up, the moldy stuff out from the back of my refrigerator, and my oil changed every 5000 miles. (I know it's suppose to be 3000 - but let's be real here.)
But I do see the need in my life for goals and dreams so could someone give me some? Maybe you have an extra one that you don't need. I know, I know. I'm suppose to come up with them on my own? Somewhere along the way, that got lost - ya know, the direction map to the interesting and vibrant and independent me. So this, now annoying, voice says, "Think back...back...back to when you had those goals and dreams...think...think..." In between checking my wall on brainless Facebook and putting a load of laundry in the dryer, I think. What were my dreams and goals?
Well, a long time ago, there was Marcia Brady. I wanted to be like her. Pretty with long blonde straight hair and great grades - who wore these really cool clothes. But alas, I was destined to be Cindy - curly hair, the youngest, who just didn't have the glamour the older sister possessed.
Then, I wanted to be Mary Tyler Moore. Remember her? She was an independent woman who worked for Lou Grant. I wanted to have my own apartment and be working in some fulfilling job. She had a funny friend named Rhoda (who reminds me of myself at times, but that's another story...)
I think my hormones took control of my brain and I lost about 8 years somewhere in between David Cassidy and Magnum PI. I don't really remember a whole lot.
So here's my current list. I made it tonight so please grade on a curve:
1. Wear cool clothes like Marcia Brady. (Well, I think I'm cool, but I know my friends think differently at times. Remember the jacket that looked like a craft sale threw-up on me? I still have it. And this whole label thing – I just can’t get all wound-up over Veronica Bradley purses. Vivian Bradley?)
2. Find a movie star I really like - I have no clue on this one, but it seems like all the girls have that. I need some suggestions.
3. Get a cool car - My '96 Buick Regal with 2 front doors that don't open from the outside doesn't quite live up to "cool"
4. Travel – Pennsylvania is nice this time of year. Maybe the Erie Canal on the Sam Patch.
So I’m working on it and thinking about it. That’s progress! Let me know how you are coming along on your goals. Maybe you’ll inspire me. I hope this inspired you.
So I think, what are my goals? My dreams? Then a little voice says, "Who has time for goals?" - When I get out of work and run into Walmart to grab a pound of hamburger for tonight's dinner of "la Hamburger Helper" and a T-shirt on sale hoping I can get away with wearing a $14.00 (excuse me, $13.95 at Walmart) top to work, am I suppose to have a goal? A dream? You mean my dream is suppose to be more than having the laundry caught up, the moldy stuff out from the back of my refrigerator, and my oil changed every 5000 miles. (I know it's suppose to be 3000 - but let's be real here.)
But I do see the need in my life for goals and dreams so could someone give me some? Maybe you have an extra one that you don't need. I know, I know. I'm suppose to come up with them on my own? Somewhere along the way, that got lost - ya know, the direction map to the interesting and vibrant and independent me. So this, now annoying, voice says, "Think back...back...back to when you had those goals and dreams...think...think..." In between checking my wall on brainless Facebook and putting a load of laundry in the dryer, I think. What were my dreams and goals?
Well, a long time ago, there was Marcia Brady. I wanted to be like her. Pretty with long blonde straight hair and great grades - who wore these really cool clothes. But alas, I was destined to be Cindy - curly hair, the youngest, who just didn't have the glamour the older sister possessed.
Then, I wanted to be Mary Tyler Moore. Remember her? She was an independent woman who worked for Lou Grant. I wanted to have my own apartment and be working in some fulfilling job. She had a funny friend named Rhoda (who reminds me of myself at times, but that's another story...)
I think my hormones took control of my brain and I lost about 8 years somewhere in between David Cassidy and Magnum PI. I don't really remember a whole lot.
So here's my current list. I made it tonight so please grade on a curve:
1. Wear cool clothes like Marcia Brady. (Well, I think I'm cool, but I know my friends think differently at times. Remember the jacket that looked like a craft sale threw-up on me? I still have it. And this whole label thing – I just can’t get all wound-up over Veronica Bradley purses. Vivian Bradley?)
2. Find a movie star I really like - I have no clue on this one, but it seems like all the girls have that. I need some suggestions.
3. Get a cool car - My '96 Buick Regal with 2 front doors that don't open from the outside doesn't quite live up to "cool"
4. Travel – Pennsylvania is nice this time of year. Maybe the Erie Canal on the Sam Patch.
So I’m working on it and thinking about it. That’s progress! Let me know how you are coming along on your goals. Maybe you’ll inspire me. I hope this inspired you.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Have you read anything good lately?
If you have read a book recently that you really enjoyed, let me know or pass it this way. (Notice the comment section at the bottom ... you can write in it!!!) I love reading my friend's choices of good books. It makes me feel a little closer to them.
Have you read The Shack by William Young? Everybody's doin' it! My friend Wendy from work loved it, and Michele Parry said I have to read it. So, I'm reading The Shack. I have Michele's copy. I'm on page 197 out of 248.
Mack is in the canoe talking to Sarayu. So far, I definitely think it's a book worth reading. Worthy of your time and thought. I might even read it again. I kind of skimmed pages 43-63 ... that's the tragedy that sets up the entire book. It's totally necessary for the book to be a success - one of the worst tragedies imaginable - but a little emotionally charged.
Something from the book struck me that I want to make note of:
Mack asks the Holy 3, "...Isn't one of you more the boss than the other two?..." and I love their response. "...Frankly, I haven't a clue what this man is talking about..." (pg 121) The concepts that follow made me think - God did not create a world with ranks or a hierachy... That was man's making. In my mind, I flashed back to studying the Old Testament, when the Hebrew nation asked God for a king, and He said no. They bugged Him enough, that He finally gave them one. His ideal of how human's work best is not one with a hierarchal order with an altimate "boss." (Interesting...how else can we live? How else can McDonald's be a success if we don't have a manager and assistant manager and workers...) The book talks about a circle relationship, everyone submitting to the other, everyone trusting the other. Not a LINE of command, but a CIRCLE based on relationships - trust and love and wisdom.
I think that is, in a way, what we tried to do in school at Plank North when 6 of us taught multi-grade 1st - 6th soooo closely together, coordinating everything we did with kids. And especially when we had such a great structure in place that we could then allow the kids to be a part of our circle. Trusting them. I think that is why the kids loved the team and learned so much. It was a structure based on a circle - the 6th graders were not "better" than the 1st graders. No teacher was the "boss" of the other. We trusted each other - submitted ourselves to each other. Man, I wish I could have gone through school in that type of atmosphere.
Then I see it again at Cazbah, where I now work. The CEO and president proactively attempt to make the business a culture based on trust and a circle - not a heirachy. It's amazing. The trust and respect that is projected is like I have never experienced in the business world. Far beyond people just being nice to one another. Everyone is considered very important. And in the visual - the circle - no "part" is more important than the other. All have to submit to the other or the circle is broken. I don't know how Charles (the CEO) at work knew to do this, but he is doing it - with the help of all around him. Very humbling for me to watch it - to see egos set aside for the good of others and the good of the business.
I recommend The Shack. Take from it what you will. I am enjoying this one a lot.
Have you read The Shack by William Young? Everybody's doin' it! My friend Wendy from work loved it, and Michele Parry said I have to read it. So, I'm reading The Shack. I have Michele's copy. I'm on page 197 out of 248.
Mack is in the canoe talking to Sarayu. So far, I definitely think it's a book worth reading. Worthy of your time and thought. I might even read it again. I kind of skimmed pages 43-63 ... that's the tragedy that sets up the entire book. It's totally necessary for the book to be a success - one of the worst tragedies imaginable - but a little emotionally charged.
Something from the book struck me that I want to make note of:
Mack asks the Holy 3, "...Isn't one of you more the boss than the other two?..." and I love their response. "...Frankly, I haven't a clue what this man is talking about..." (pg 121) The concepts that follow made me think - God did not create a world with ranks or a hierachy... That was man's making. In my mind, I flashed back to studying the Old Testament, when the Hebrew nation asked God for a king, and He said no. They bugged Him enough, that He finally gave them one. His ideal of how human's work best is not one with a hierarchal order with an altimate "boss." (Interesting...how else can we live? How else can McDonald's be a success if we don't have a manager and assistant manager and workers...) The book talks about a circle relationship, everyone submitting to the other, everyone trusting the other. Not a LINE of command, but a CIRCLE based on relationships - trust and love and wisdom.
I think that is, in a way, what we tried to do in school at Plank North when 6 of us taught multi-grade 1st - 6th soooo closely together, coordinating everything we did with kids. And especially when we had such a great structure in place that we could then allow the kids to be a part of our circle. Trusting them. I think that is why the kids loved the team and learned so much. It was a structure based on a circle - the 6th graders were not "better" than the 1st graders. No teacher was the "boss" of the other. We trusted each other - submitted ourselves to each other. Man, I wish I could have gone through school in that type of atmosphere.
Then I see it again at Cazbah, where I now work. The CEO and president proactively attempt to make the business a culture based on trust and a circle - not a heirachy. It's amazing. The trust and respect that is projected is like I have never experienced in the business world. Far beyond people just being nice to one another. Everyone is considered very important. And in the visual - the circle - no "part" is more important than the other. All have to submit to the other or the circle is broken. I don't know how Charles (the CEO) at work knew to do this, but he is doing it - with the help of all around him. Very humbling for me to watch it - to see egos set aside for the good of others and the good of the business.
I recommend The Shack. Take from it what you will. I am enjoying this one a lot.
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